work work work

01 So this morning I looked outside to see my car covered in snow. Then and there I decided to leave early for work to make sure that I wasn't late. So now I am sitting at work, waiting for my shift to start. It took me almost the exact same amount of time that it usually does to get to work. Oh well, atleast I am here and not late.

I am looking forward to when I get off work tonight. I already have my things done for tomorrow so I can just relax and enjoy myself tonight. Also I washed all my pillows cases and sheets today, so it will be all the nicer to sleep in my bed tonight... I love clean sheets even more than I enjoy getting new sheets. Next up for wash is my Gir blanket, and possibly washing my pillows....

I hope work isnt too incredibly slow tonight... we have apparently been really slow all day. When it is slow, it always makes my shift feel a lot longer. It is only a 6 hr shift though, so it should go quick. I am looking forward to the food I brought for dinner too. Rice, vegi chips and a couple of the brownies i made last night.

Ten minutes now, time to go change into dress code.

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A Little HDR ART

01 So this is what I have created out of some of the photos that I took tonight. I am not usually into the "HDR ART" Style of HDR, but I am pretty amused with this. It actually makes me enjoy the photograph, which I didn't thoroughly enjoy previously. I love the way the warm and cool colors compete and the strength of the lines within the photo.

If anybody is looking at this you shoud leave a comment and let me know what you think!

Sunday the 30th. Horoscope

01 http://www.freehoroscopesastrology.com/gemini-daily.asp

Affirmation for this week of EXPRESSION - I express my feelings without hesitation to forge authentic bonds of the heart. I share openly and invite others to know the real me.

SUNDAY: Light purple candles around your home this morning to draw important spiritual insights throughout the day. You could learn new information that alters your perception of a loss and actually makes you grateful for prayers that have gone unanswered. Now that you see what has been developing behind the scenes, you'll be in a better position to make wise choices. You should plan or attend a small social gathering to share new ideas with others under the enterprising Capricorn Moon.

This is interesting, because I did learn some new information today. Again, I am not sure how much will change because of the things I know now that I didn't know 24 hours ago. I am not sure how much it affects how I feel. The strange strange world of horoscopes proves to me again though that there is some greater being at work. The world runs in patterns, and sometimes those become visible. Lets see what tomorrow will bring...


Last Thursday... "Love relationships will also bloom as you find yourself accepting others as they are instead of trying to change them to meet your expectations."

Brownie Waffles.

01

GUESS WHO MADE WAFFLES!

Madi made WAFFLES!

Well, actually Madi made brownies in the waffle iron. Super genius idea. This is the fastest batch of brownies I have ever made. Also, this is another first. It is my first batch of gluten free brownies. I am really happy with how they turned out. Now the challenge is to not eat the entire batch tonight. I have a feeling that an entire box of comfort food, would lead to a lot of discomfort. Plus, I need to save at least one for Sam on Tuesday. I am trading for coffee. Friends are the best.

A Post about Photography.

01 So I realized that posts about relationship things are quickly gaining on my quantity of post on photography. Therefore I must post more about my photography.

This quarter 3 of my 4 classes are photography related. Digital Photography Production and Photographic Language and Culture are both taught by Brett Kalusky. He is a really fun teacher to have. This is my first quarter having him as a teacher. He makes both a three and a four hour class go by quickly. I feel like I am doing better in Digi Photo as of now. I have already missed one assignment in Photo Language. This last week has been hard for me with everything that has been going on. It sucks because I was trying really hard not to miss anything this quarter. Oh well. At least it can only go up from here.

My third photo class is Location Photography, taught by Rich Ryan. He is a lot of fun to learn from, though sometimes I feel like I would enjoy more direction as to what he expects from an assignment. Matt and I are finally shooting for my car assignment. Jeep and Tent in Alley, we decided not to venture to a campground considering most of them are probably closed anyway.... though we may go photograph it in a grocery store parking lot. Wouldn't that be fun!

Well that Is all for now. Later

Why do you love me?

01 Oh Pandora. This song keeps arising on my list.

Some of the lyrics hit home, hard.

I wont post lyrics though, especially as a status.

Good thing this is a blog.

I had more to say... but now I do not.

*short blog here*

Hello Pudding

01 I am currently eating an entire box of pistachio pudding. It is amazing.

Tonight has been strange. I talked on the phone for over 3 hours, not something I have done in a long time. I had some things said to me that are definitely things to think on. They may or may not change how I feel about the situation. I am pretty set on how I feel, but depending how he feels things may become something different. I am here for the ride, and hopefully I will end up in a place that I am happy with.

Goal in life: Be happy with who I am, and what I am doing, and hopefully have someone to share how happy I am with.

Short Bangs.

01

I really like how my new short bangs are behaving tonight.
Wash + Condition + Blowdry + Curl + Hairspray = perfect bangs!
Then again this is them after an entire day of things.

I love how my bangs look with my dreads.

Last Night

01 I had a fairly good evening last night. I wrote about it in my journal, instead of here in my blog for all (or the handful of you who read it) to see. If you want to read it, let me know. I am willing to be an open book for you. Some of the evening still leaves me with unanswered questions, but I am sure that in time I will have those answered as well.

Thank you for not hating me.
That was my biggest fear.

Make a wish.

01 It is hard for me to not know what will come of a situation. It isn't the actual situations that make me nervous, but the lack of being able to prepare for the possible outcomes. It makes my head spin more than I would like it to.

Well enough being cryptic for tonight.... too late for that. I am tired. Blah. Sleep time.


Curious, What do you wish for when you close your eyes?


30/365

= 8% to goal!

Love Language

01

From: 5lovelanguages.com

Your Love Language Personal Profile

Your Scores

4	Words of Affirmation
7	Quality Time
4	Receiving Gifts
3	Acts of Service
12	Physical Touch

My Love Language

Physical Touch

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

I think that this is very interesting and very true. For me, being close to someone and spending time together is the most important thing in a relationship. I know as far as friends go that sometimes I neglect the getting together aspect of the friendship, but I am working on that. I have hung out with an amazing variety of friends lately.

Sami, you are amazing! I am so glad we got to go make cyanotypes. Also, the drinking and movies were fun too! Go Mariokart!

Sydney, you and I are one of those unlikely friendships. I am really glad that we have bonded over our love of art and become friends! We still need to hang out and actually make art :)

Hannah, you have been one of my best friends for a very long time. Your words of reassurance and love mean the world to me. Thank you for always being there for me.

Megan & Meghan, I know I haven't seen either of you recently, and that we are not on the best terms, but I just want you both to know that I care.

Finally, Matt. We have had so much fun in our 3 crazy classes! Thanks for helping keep me sane. Shooting should be lots of fun tonight! I got a 7x7 tent to use and everything. Thanks Mom!



What is your main love language??
Follow the link at the top like a white rabbit and see where the rabbit hole takes you.

A little bit better.

01 Today has been fairly positive so far. Being around friends makes the day easier. I am trying to keep busy and stay productive. During the time where I am not busy or distracted i have been trying to analize my actions and ask "why?" It is interesting.

Tomorrow night I have plans with my friend Matt to go camping. Well, to do a camping photoshoot. My jeep, a tent and a couple speedlights. It should be a lot of fun!

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Drinks with unlikely people

01 Sydney came over tonight after I got off work. We drank my 'wow' mango and peach schnapps smoothie. And watched Hey Arnold, Aaaah Real Monsters and an Indie comedy. The movie was called A Girls Life. It was really good, about a porn star and some humbling experiences in her life. We also drank Mint Baileys. On ice. It was amazing. I wont get started on the fact of all 4 of my ice cube trays being empty though. We turned the movie and the baileys into a drinking time, every time they did or said anything sexual; we drank. Well that is all. Sydney is back at her house, and I am alone in my bed preparing for a 3.5 hour power sleep. Yay 6:30 bus. The bus will give me an extra 45 minutes of sleep though so it is all good. Good night whoever may be reading this. I hope tomorrow brings sunshine.

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Warning.

01 WARNING: My blog is about to become raw and uncensored. It will still be fairly cryptic, like always. but I have nothing else to loose.


I couldn't stop myself from dreaming of you last night. I woke up near tears a couple of times. I got up once around 6:30, used the bathroom and returned to bed for a couple more hours of sleep... I curled onto my left side, and then the tears came. It hit me hard that I wouldn't have your arms around me, like that, again. We fit together so perfectly. My heart aches. It would be easier to tell you this if I hadn't made the mistake that I did. I want you back. I want to feel your arms around me again as we lay and talk about whatever crosses our minds. I wrote a poem last night... Not what I expected my first poem in relation to you to be about.

Here it is:

Game of Hearts.

The rapid beat of my heart
and the tears down my face
do nothing to calm my pain

this, just as apologies does nothing
but leaves the past the same

The words I used to face you
to announce to you my shame
keep ringing in my head
reciting over themselves again and again.

This leads me to believe that I
along the way have forgotten this game

Betrayal is a word that in truth
should never be acted upon
but who am I to tell you this
when your heart for me, is already gone

your eyes, your heart
will never look at me again the same
all would be fine
if I could just figure out this game.

What is on your mind?

01 I almost typed your name into the box on facebook that shares the same title as this post. I can't seem to get you off my mind...

Cheese

01 No, not the smile kind. The kind that I eat. The food that is my comfort food since I can't have pasta. One large plate of melted cheese. Greasy, fattening, and probably not the best idea. It tastes so good. It makes me feel a little less sad.

Another Letter.

01 You broke up with me. I can play it off like it doesn't hurt, or that I completely agree with the choice to just be friends. Though I don't. I was happy with you. I am still happy just being me, because (other than the occurrences of the weekend) I am happy with who I am. I loved the talks we had of where our relationship could go, the visions of the future. I thought we were on the same page. I guess not. This sucks.

23/365

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Girls Night.

01 Sam and I are having a girls night at my place tonight. We have peach schnapps, passion fruit rum, orange juice and grapefruit juice. Any combination of which is amazing. I really should be doing homework of some sort... but tonight I need some time tonight. To think. To figure out how i feel. Though one night is not nearly enough time for that.

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Single, Again.

01 I am sorry that we had to end this time together on the foot that we did. I hate myself sometimes for having low self control. When I screw up, I screw up. Even though you already had plans to leave, that doesn't make it any less horrible what I have done. I am sorry. Someday I do hope that we can be friends again. Though with what we have now been through, our friendship will be a very different thing than it was previously. I care about you a lot. I hoped that we would go far together. But as The Offspring so gracefully put it. "A light that shines strong only lasts for so long." so in the end, I made a choice that I shouldn't have. Both at the beginning and the end of our relationship. Though I do not regret our relationship, I regret that people got hurt along the way.

Maybe someday I will write a translation to this, but for now this is all anyone who is reading my blog needs to know. If you know me well, you will know what all of this is in reference to.

Myself, is going to be single for a while.

Doppleganger

01 So I woke up on the bus yesterday. Rout 61 from my house to school. And for a moment i had an out of body experience as I looked at the girl sitting near the front of the bus. In the end it wasnt me that I was looking at, but someone who looked a lot like me. She wore a brown hat, like mine. She wore a pair of goldenrod colored gloves, the same color as my owl mittens. Her bag was yellow, like mine. And finally her bangs were cut short just like how I currently have mine. It was odd to say the least

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Who Inspires me?

01 So I was thinking... Who inspires me? Who is it that makes me want to do the things that I do. Was there someone specific that sparked my creative tenancies?

This quarter is going to be a lot of self evaluation for me. My interpersonal communications class is going to help with this a lot. Also the relationship that I started at the beginning of the year is making me do a lot more thinking, which I really enjoy. I am titling 2011 as my year of "Self Discovery"

2009 was the year of "changes". I did all of the following huge life changes during this year.

• broke up with Matt
• Got my GED
• Started College
• Got my Drivers License
  
• Moved for the first time ever!
• 
  

2010 was the year of "pets". I started 2010 with one cat. By the end of the year I was at 8. Now I am back to 5. Sad.

• Got Batter in February. on the 19th.
• Got the Rats over the summer. All 4 of them
• Got Bailey during the summer. He is the dog.
  

One heck of a Monday.

01 Today has been a long one. And that my friends is putting it simply. I woke up next to you. The morning was followed by lunch with my mom, and looking through old pictures. I need to remember to grab those from my car in the morning since I need them for my 8am class. We are restoring old photos in Digital Photography Production. I am excited. After lunch with my mom, to which I was accompanied by Feather. I brought Feather to Tyler for a joint custody type thing. She comes home to me tomorrow. This means that I also got to see Batter today. I miss him a lot. He is the hole in my heart. Tyler and I also gave things back to eachother. I gave him things, and he gave back the tangible representations of my memories. I really appreciated it. I already forget things all the time, so someday these memories in a box may be all I have. Work was slow, I was tired, and that made my shift seem super long. Now I am doing homework. Bummed that I wont get to fall asleep next to you.

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One Last Goal.

01 Blog AT LEAST 365 Entries this year.

17/365

Thursday The 13th.

01 Yesterday marked the 11 year anniversary of my dad's death. This year I am so much more healed that I was last year. I didn't cry. Not because I don't miss him, but because I didn't need to.

I have done so much healing over the last year. I had one night that led to a huge setback. One night that made me remember everything that I, by lack of action, had forgotten. This one event changed everything. I was ok with the occurrence of this one evening. That was my turning point. The events that have happened since this evening have changed my world. Everything has been a change for the better. I am healed.

Right now I am sitting in Pence 304. YAY 3rd floor! I am finally putting all of my Vegas images into a Lightroom 3 catalog. I wonder what the final count will be for all of my photographs that I created over the course of my 4 days in Las Vegas. I should hopefully have enough room on my hard drive to successfully place all of them on there for now.

I really do need another hard drive. I believe that I have around 200gb left open at home and with the amount of photos I will be shooting this quarter, both for pleasure and for school, I am sure it will become full. I also need an external backup drive. I am thinking that 1tb external for backup and 1tb internal for new photo storage. I am super nervous about all of the images I have on my computer right now that are not backed up ANYWHERE!

My goal for this quarter is a 4.0 I think that I will be able to accomplish this easier this quarter than I have before, simply because I am happy. When I am happy, I find it easier to get things done and feel proud about the completion of tasks that I may or may not enjoy. Winter 2011 - Goal: 1-Best quarter yet, 2-No Late work, 3-TONS OF AMAZING PHOTOS!

Note to self: DO NOT forget to SHOOT FOR FUN!

Winter quarter. Day 1

01 So today is day one, again. Our new photography studio is open and it is beautiful. The bays are a little smaller but overall they are so much better. I am two classes down for the day. All that is left now is interpersonal communications. I cant wait till my day is over so i can share it with you.

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This is to you.

01 You definitely fit the bill of crazy ex now. congrats. Keep all my shit I don't even care. as much as I love Batter. I know now that I will never see him again because of how i don't ever want to see you. Feather is mine and you will NEVER see her again.

wow.

01 That is all.

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loss.

01 It is shitty to loose friends over lack of communication and misunderstandings. If you are reading this I am sorry.

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5:50 in Missouri

01 We got into missouri about 10 minutes ahead of schedule. Now due to weather in philly we are delayed until 6:50 so a half hour layover turns into a 2 hour layover. This sets my plans way back for the evening... they will still be happening though. Tonight should be fun.

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Midnight In Vegas.

01 Today was a long, interesting and amazing day. Today started when I woke up to see the sunrise once again. It was beautiful. This year in general has been beautiful. Lauren and I left our room at 10:30 this morning to head over to the hard rock to begin out Hummer tour! 3 large yellow hummers awaited us when we got there. Of course lauren and I climbed into the front hummer. Ugh i would write more but my phone is a pain. Will blog more about the hummer and the amazing desert when i am home, if i am not too busy!

We got back to hard rock around 4pm. It was a long tour. I loved it. Lauren... not so much. "I wasnt a fan of his driving" lauren stated when conversing about the tour. She followed this statement with a comment about motion sickness. We took a cab, my first, back to the Luxor from hard rock since there were no more direct shuttles for the day.

We sat, relaxed and got ready to head out again. We took a cab to the venitian and ate dinner at a resturant there. The food was amazing! Before we left for dinner we stopped at the luxor box office.... and.... bought tickets to see CHRIS ANGEL!!! After dinner we walked to the Ballagio to see the light show, walking was much better than the 30 minute wait for a cab. We continued our walk, a speed walk that is, after seeing the water show. It was stunning. We walked into Luxor at 9:09. Mr. Chris Angel was scheduled to start at 9:30.

He was AMAZING!!! It was fantastic to see him live and see things for real and know that it was 100% what was happening at the time. After the show, which there will be no pictures of because we couldnt take photos. We had a bit of drama but everything was resolved in the end. We bought T-shirts and a couple other souvineers, thought i am buying my deck of cards in the morning.

Well i am packed and ready to head home in the morning. This may or may not be my last post in vegas.

Pictures will be posted soon! This is a trip i will never forget. Thank you for being memorable. Thank you sony. Thank you lauren and thank you 2011!

Goodnight to the city that never sleeps.

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10:20am Vegas!

01 Good morning vegas. Your sunrise was beautiful again this morning. I woke up as if by chance around 7:30 to see the last paintings of it on the sky. Camera in hand I captured the reflected color on the luxor pyramid.

Last night I fell asleep with sweet words on my mind, and a smile on my face. There have been some road bumps on this path I am on and sadly some hurt feelings as well. It doesnt change how I am feeling, but it does make my heart hurt for them. Some decisions have been nessicary, though the way that the aftermath has been handled could have been better on both sides. Still, I am happy, I am content, and I know where I want to be. This is more than just the start of something new. This is the start of something amazing.

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2:07 am. vegas time. 4:07 home time.

01 Today was so much fun. My fingers are failing at typing... i blame this on my bubble bath. It was amazing. Good night vegas, see you when the sun rised. Good night st paul, see you saturday night.

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1:57 pink taco.

01

We are at the pink taco resturant in the hard rock hotel right now! It is awesome. Today i ate a bite of chicken for the first time in 6 years. It was fairly tasty. I also had salmon for lunch. But you know what they say, what happens in vegas stays in vegas!!! We also got a bloggie, compliments of sony. So there will be videos posted when i come home!

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7:29am in Las Vegas

01

The time is 2 hours earlier here than it is in Minnesota, it has been a while since I have been this far away from home. I have missed the mountains so so much. I used to get to see the mountains every year durring my spring break because we would visit my aunt peg and my grandma in colorado. You could see the mountains from their diningroom window. I have always loved the mountains. There is something about the way that the hug the horizon line that makes them seem comforting. This is what we see from our room...

Today should be a lot of fun. We have lunch at the hard rock's resturant called the Pink Taco today at 12:30 so we are going to see sites and take photos on our way there. The weather looks beautiful again so I hope we walk most of the way, it was 50 degrees when we landed in vegas yesterday. When we got outside the airport we stood in the sun, soaking up its rays. The warmth in the sun was amazing.

Last night I played my first slot machines. I stuck to penny and nickle slots. $3 led to quite a bit of enjoyment while we waited to be seated for dinner. I didnt win anything though. We had dinner at the steakhouse in our hotel. Mashed Potatos and sauteed organic mushrooms. I really enjoyed both and I ended up very full. How full I was surprised me.

Last night was weird... sleeping somewhere different. It was the first time I have slept somewhere else this year. It will be nice to be back in Saint Paul come saturday night.

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9:55 am ( Wednesday, January 5th)

01 This is the most amazing experience of my life Watching as the ground dissappeared below us The clouds slowly enveloping the earth. Through this I got to see the sun rise this morning. Up here the sky is blue and the clouds form and ocean beneath us. The exiliration of take off was like falling in love. Beautiful and surprising every step of the way. Watching the buildings and ground appear through the thin layers of clouds is breathtaking

P.s. the way I felt about taking off... is the way that I feel about you. You take my breath away.

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11:33 Mountain Time

01 We are in phoenix, az now. Just for a moment of our trip. The decent over the city was facinating. Watching the buildings slowly get bigger as we approached the ground. The landing was interesting, but still exilirating just like the take off. I am excited that I get to experience take off for a second time in the day!

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11:41 am

01 The warmth of the window in the plane has been making me sleepy. I have been dozing on and off dreaming and seeing a future play out before my eyes. We are over mountains now, well foothills from what I can tell from up here. It is beautiful.

This year has been amazing so far. I can't believe it is only 5 days into the month. I have such good feelings about new developments in my life. 2011 bring it on. This is going to be a really, really great year. *sigh* more glimpses of possible futures. I feel complete.

<3

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How very very true...

01 My horoscope for today.

No matter what else you have to deal with today, your mind will keep drifting back to some troubling issues that have been bothering you lately. There's really no point in dwelling on these matters. And you ought to take some time to go out and enjoy yourself with someone special if you can. It's bound to make you feel a lot better about things.

A few financial issues will also need to be dealt with today. You still ought to be in a pretty positive mood tonight though. And you should take the opportunity to enjoy some kind of fun little escape from things while you can. Mantra: Prudence.

hello sunshine

01 Happy 2011 everybody. It have been nice to have the sun out the last couple of days. The way it creates patterns, shadows and glimmering snow makes me remember why I enjoy the winter. I love how sunshine on a cold day in this snowfilled world that I call home makes it feel so much warmer and more tollerable. Love the sunshine - meow.

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